Doubting Dork

God recently answered a prayer of mine. If I were to be totally honest, I would have to say I was just a tiny bit surprised. I’m not sure why I was surprised except that, while I have great faith, I am still a bit of a doubter sometimes. I think God likes us doubters. That may seem a convenient thing to say. Yet one of Jesus’ closest friends was one. Remember him? “Doubting” Thomas? Poor guy. His uncertainty is revealed one little time, and he’s forever given that embarrassing nickname.

Why do I think God likes doubters?

I think God likes to say, “See? I can do that.” He uses it as a building block for faith. I can relate to that a bit. I used to be a nurse on a vascular access team. That meant I was the one who showed up to start the IV when no one else could find a vein to stick, or they’d turned the patient into the human pincushion, and still they had no IV. Usually by the time I showed up on the scene, the patient had become a doubter. They doubted that I’d be able to do what others before me had been unable to do. I’d do my best to put them at ease, but I could still see the skepticism in their eyes.

Reluctantly they’d extend an arm for me to have a look see. More often than not, I’d get their IV started on the first try.

Now I’m not bragging, rather I’m what my Dad calls a “one trick pony”. You see I started IV’s. That’s it. If you have a vein to be found I could find it. So I really enjoyed the moment when my skeptical patients said, “You got it? Really?” I looked up, saw the doubt was gone, and had been replaced with surprised relief. They believed. Made me smile.

So God recently answered a prayer of mine. A couple of years ago, a dear friend of mine confided that she and her husband were separated. This was not her desire but his. It was a terrible thing. I hurt for her, and I was mad at him. According to my friend, it was as if he had lost himself somehow. I told my friend that I would pray with her for her relationship to be restored. I truly believed that God wanted this family to be whole again. We talked occasionally, and it seemed that things were going from bad to worse. I would pray some more. Still, she never gave up on him. She was so strong, and yet so terribly hurt.

Now more than a year later he is home, and they are together. Really together. She is so happy, and she still believes in him. Somewhere along the way he found God, and he found himself again. So God said yes to my prayer. I began to think about why. The answer is not so profound really. He said yes to my prayer because it was what He wanted all along. There’s more to it of course, but in the end that’s the main ingredient.

So why was I surprised to hear about their reconciliation? Well I must admit it is because I had doubt. I had doubt that God could fix this terribly messed up situation. I still believed I should pray, but did I truly believe that God could unravel the tangled mess of my friend’s life? Well I thought I did, but if I truly did believe it, why was I so pleasantly surprised to hear He had? The only thing I can come up with is that I am a dork.

Most of the patients I saw at the hospital had never had to put their trust in my abilities before. I was a stranger to them. On the rare occasion that I had a returning patient, the relief shown on their face when I walked through the door. Why? Well they knew me. They knew of my wonderful skills with a needle. Hey, everyone should be good at something. But the new ones, the ones who had never had to place their trust in my abilities before, had doubt.

I am not in this position with God. I am like the returning patient. I have seen His work, and I know Him. I know of His great love, and for His capacity to heal broken relationships. So I felt guilty when I received the news of His great work. Once again, God had to prove His ability to me. I really am a dork. A Doubting Dork. How’s that for a nickname? But I am not who I was before. My faith has grown after seeing, once again, His limitless power and love. I had to say, “Oh yeah, I know You.” I suppose I did know He could do it; I just wasn’t so sure He would do it.

I was able to share lunch with my friend recently. She looked fantastic. Radiant really. She talked about her husband, their relationship, and the things they are doing to build it up and make it strong again. There was real joy in her eyes. There are still struggles in her life, but she has seen God at work in the midst of strife, and she has felt God’s hand lead her through some dark days. I’ll bet her faith has increased lately, too. I won’t call her a doubter. No, she never gave up.

It’s hard to believe that someone who actually knew Jesus could ever doubt his ability to conquer death, but poor old Thomas did. He had to see it for himself to believe. Thankfully for Thomas, Jesus was all too happy to comply. Thankfully, He still is. Seems like he’d get tired of proving Himself to us time and again. But I think He might just like the looks on our faces each time we see what He is capable of!

What has He done in your life to show His faithfulness lately?

2 thoughts on “Doubting Dork

  1. You are no dork… You are strong, and have a heart full of God… I have felt your prayers upon my life… I know there is a smile on your face and in your heart for everyone that knows you…..

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