Losing Control

Did you know that giving up control is much different than losing control? I’ve lost control of lots of things in my life. I’ve lost control of my emotions (did that just recently). I’ve lost control of a car once or twice (scary). I’ve lost control of a classroom full of kids (this is why I became a nurse and not a teacher).

I am not a fan of what it feels like to lose control of anything. I very much like being in control of myself, and the things around me. I feel safe when I am in control. I have influence when I am in control. I can steer things in the direction I want for them to go when I am in control. People behave the way I would like for them to when I am in control. I don’t look like a fool when I am in control. To lose control is such a helpless feeling.

I believe in the sovereignty of God. I do believe that ultimately he is in control. But I also have to believe that I play a part in this life he has given me. I don’t believe I am a puppet. The Lord has given me choices to make in this life. I can choose to follow him or not. I can choose to love him or not. Love is only real if you are allowed the choice of not loving. The biggest thing God is teaching me right now is how to choose to give control of things over to him. It is through this, that I am learning that giving up control to him is oh so much better than losing it to the chaos around me.

I’ve mentioned that my oldest son just graduated from high school. He doesn’t turn eighteen until September, but he reminds me often that the day is soon in coming. He tells me that’s when he will be a legal adult. I laugh and tell him it’s only because the government hasn’t met him that they will call him an adult. Yet in reality he is growing up and out. He is entering adulthood, and I find that I am learning a thing or two as he does.

A couple of blogs back, I talked about Hannah. Hannah was a woman desperate for a child. She begged God to give her a baby. She eventually promised to give that child to the Lord if he granted her the desire of her heart. He did, and she did. She took that child and gave it to the priest for it to be raised in the temple. She didn’t lose the baby, she gave it.

There is a huge lesson in there for us moms. We hold so tightly to our little ones. Heck, we worked hard to get them here. We lost nights of sleep to the point of crazy once they got here. We diapered them, rocked them, fed them, taught them, loved and disciplined them. We cheered them, consoled them, and invested ourselves into them. After all that, don’t we deserve to hold tightly?

My son is in London this morning. Without me. He is on a mission trip to Birmingham in Great Britain. Without a cell phone. I have no easy way to contact him, nor does he have an easy way to contact me. He graduated high school and flew off to London. I could easily feel as though I have lost control of this child. But I don’t. It’s because I have given control of him over to God. My son is not just a Christian. He is a Christ follower. He is no longer following me as I follow Christ; he is following Christ on his own. And this following has taken him on a ten hour plan ride over the big pond.

I do feel some melancholy at times over this change that is taking place, but I don’t have those feelings I get when I have lost control. It’s just the opposite, in fact. I feel peace. I think it would be great to feel this peace over everything in my life. To just give over control of it all to the
Peace Giver. I hold tightly to lots of things, but I want to let loose my grip and free it all to the One whose hand controls the universe. Am I ready for that kind of peace? Are you? The peace that will come just might knock us over!

In a good way…

One thought on “Losing Control

  1. Wonderful !  Letting go and letting God.  But keeping from picking it back up is hard.  THE peace of God is ALL we can really hold on to.

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